Mini tantrum

I am tired of following doctor's orders. No strenuous activity. What exactly does that mean? Strenuous to whom, exactly? I haven't worked out since March 3rd, and yes I know the date because it was 2 days before my egg retreival when they told me at my pre-op visit that I wasn't supposed to be working out. Opps. But I felt fine, and produced more eggs than the average woman. I was active before all of this, so its not like working out would add extra stress to my body, right? It is used to working out. Well, maybe not so much anymore. I have at least 2 more rounds of treatment left, and more to be determined. Another month without a workout? I worked hard to be strong so I could handle pregnancy well, and now it is all going to pot. When I heal, I will have lost everything I built up and be a weakling through the next one, probably causing more back injuries and various other issues. And no drinking. I was prepared to not drink for 9 months, but since that didn't worked out........... I can't sleep, when I do I have weird dreams, I am not eating well, I can't concentrate, I am tired of sitting around, and all of this is making me super emotional because there is no way to release basic stress. So today I said screw it (and that is the nice way of saying it). I went to the gym and did 45 minutes of weight training, and 30 minutes of all out sweat time on the elliptical machine. It would have been longer but I forgot my inhaler, and I have lost too much strength to have much stamina. I know it has only been an hour and a half since I left the gym, but I am pretty sure I will be able to sleep tonight. And then I can concentrate on brain activities like homework and lesson plans. If I am ok tomorrow, I am doing it again, and will try to figure out how I can at least squeeze in some treadmill time this week between work and chemo treatments. Because this is ridiculous. And if I am feeling really wild, I am going to have a glass of wine. And no one can stop me. So there.