Mental note

If you are going to layout in the AZ sun, sunscreen should always be applied BEFORE you put on your bathing suit. Otherwise, when you are on your stomach and undo your bikini straps, when you tie them back on and roll onto your back, the top may not be in the same place where it started and could result in racing stripes on the breasts. And apply it evenly, or you will end up looking like a zebra. Just saying.

A dream night

I firmly believe that everyone needs a hobby. Not having one is what kills you. They help people relax and reflect, and be passionate about something. Everyone know that there are 3 things I love to do - knit, go to the movies, and watch birds. Last night I had a dream opportunity to do all 3. Yes, all 3. I wonder how long my husband will continue to humor me and my quirky forms of entertainment. The local Audubon Society was doing a fundraiser in Scottsdale that consisted of an auctions and a film festival. Yes, 2 films, a double feature. I was in heaven as I sat with my knitting next to my favorite guy and watched away.
The first film was the U.S. debut of an English production called Why Birds Sing (find out more here). It was a documentary of a philosopher who tried to convince scientists that birds sing for the fun of it and to create music. The crowd got really into it, which was neat to be a part of. There were a lot of birds chirping throughout the whole movie, and I was convinced Jon was going to lean over and ask for Tylenol. I thought it was funny, and witty, and all around an interesting concept that changed how I woke up to birds chirping this morning. The second film was a documentary about the life and work of naturalist, and Pulitzer Prize winner E.O. Wilson called Darwin's Natural Heir. It was educational, and inspiring, and I want to read his books on Sociobiology and other studies. He spent most of his life studying ants, yuck. It was interesting to see them present things that I already knew, concepts that have been a part of science teaching, and see the root of the studies. His work has influenced and shaped an entire society. I found it inspiring.
Apparently this was the 7th annual Nature Film Festival put on by the Audubon society. I have not yet joined, but am considering. There were a lot of old people there who bitched up a storm about everything. I just don't know if I can handle that type of environment. Either way, I am excited to see next year's films already. But I am not sure I can convince Jon to go again. Any takers?

Two

Two is my number as of Wednesday. Pregnancy levels have to be below 5 to count as a negative test. The doctor wants one more round just to be sure. I am refusing. Apparently, this can cause all sorts of problems, my refusing. The biggest being that my fertility doctor will no longer treat me. Bull shit, is what I have to say. On Tuesday, I went to get a massage. I have been having a lot of pain in my right shoulder. Could have something to do with stress, but I'm not so sure (hear strong tone of sarcasm here). They refused to treat me because of the chemo. That is what I get for being honest and opening my big mouth. I needed a doctor's note to be treated. I cried teh whole way home (meltdown number 3). One more thing in my life that this is affecting. Can't do this, can't do that, blah, blah, blah. I am turning into a sour person without stress relief. And it still isn't over. This has been going on for 9 weeks. I was pregnant for 2 1/2. Hardly fair. The doctor is going to find out if I can get one last shot of a strong dose to finish things off instead of an entire round. The problem is that I am unavailable from 8-5 because of classes until July 6th. I have to take so many education credits to renew my certificate in December, and none of these classes are being offered in the fall. So I either die or lose my job. And if I lose my job, I might as well die because I'll never find another one, and wouldn't be able to afford further medical treatment anyway, which could result in death. Vicious cycle.
I ended up getting my massage on Thursday, and though I went for full body, the knot in my shoulder was so bad, that there was only 15 minutes left for the rest of me. Now I am in serious discomfort from what the massuese worked out. I will have to go back, I am sure of it. And my back has started to hurt again. All this sitting around in poor quality chairs is going to be a real problem. I can't take another summer like last year. So I am downing anti-inflammitories like they are candy and trying to figure out ways to manage my stress.
So to make a long bitch session short (too late), I am not done, and don't know what the next step is, or when that will be. But I am guessing that at this rate, I will be 60 before I am allowed to use my frozen embryos, and I can kind of see where octomom was coming from. Seriuosly. I have officially begun to lose my mind.