Dear Mother Nature,
Thank you for a making this summer cooler than the last few. It is much nicer to sit by the pool and get that sun-kissed glow when it is only 108, and not 115. However, I believe there has been a grave misunderstanding.
This morning, I awoke to the wonderful aroma of bacon. I don't believe there is a better way to wake up on a Saturday morning. It was early, but I was willing to look past the time. Upon rising, and moving into the kitchen, I was informed that the bacon was for the dog we were house sitting for, but since I was up, could I please get dressed and help with yard work. Seeing how I don't wake up well, I couldn't think clearly enough to come up with the correct answer of "No, I am going back to bed if there is no bacon," and I stumbled back to the bedroom to put on my tennis shoes. I even forgot temporarily about breakfast, which rarely happens. Upon entering the front yard, I attempted to see the positive. But it failed to come to me. I just couldn't understand what I was doing in the 90 degree heat, trimming bushes at 7 a.m. on my summer vacation. The fact that every pretty plant in AZ has tough needles and barbs that continued to scratch my arms didn't help. The only needles I should be exposed to on vacation should be my knitting needles. The whole ordeal was quite shocking to my system.
Now I am not writing to you just to complain. I have some very logical solutions to this tough situation. I hope you consider some of these options, for many of them have multiple benefits.
1. Stop communicating with my husband. I know you two are in cahoots to try and make me a morning person. Never going to happen! Wouldn't your energy be better spent somewhere else? Like on a date with Father Time, perhaps? This would allow our relationship to blossom in the morning, and I wouldn't hold against him all day long that I am hot and tired before I have had a chance to do anything fun around the house in the air conditioning.
2. Stop making pork smell so delicious when it is cooked. This would also help slow the obesity epidemic that has plagued the world. And I could sleep through the yard work window. I am a much nicer person if I have had 8 hours of sleep.
3. Make it so plants don't grow in the heat, sort of like bears that hibernate in the winter. Arizona plants could hibernate in the summer. This would assist in the push for water conservation, and there would no longer be a need to trim and prune during the hotter months.
4. I don't know how close you are with Lady Luck, but if she owes you a favor, she could rig the Powerball Lottery so that I win. Then I could pay someone to do my yardwork and I could spend my well rested, awake hours doing thing more productive for the community. While I feel this is the best option, I understand that it may be somewhat out of your control.
As you can see, these are all great options for beating the early morning summer heat. I love what you do here, most of the time. You are my most beloved mythical figure, and will continue to speak positively of your work. If you will please excuse me, I must now take a nap and recover from the trauma of the morning. I need to recover so that I don't talk mu husband out of landscaping our backyard someday. I will make sure I double and triple think the plants we put in so I don't run into the same problems in the future.