33

I haven't blogged for a while, clearly. After such a hiatus, its hard to know where to begin. The last spring was so busy, that it is a blur. Then summer started, and I was a cleaning, baby gift making, project completing machine for the first few weeks. Nothing interesting or worth blogging about. Just productive in many ways.
All of this "getting things done" led to the second half of my summer. We are doing Invitro Fertilization (IVF), again. We had 2 embryo transfers this spring, both were negative. So without anymore frozen in the bank, we were set to go through a fresh cycle again. I predicted this round would be different than the last for a variety of reasons. 1) I am not working. So if I want to stay in bed all day, I can. This greatly reduces my stress level. Even though I don't feel really intese during the school year because I love my job, it obviously takes a toll mentally, and physically as I create lesson plans and chase after children all day. 2) My diet is different. I have mentioned going gluten free before, and what a difference it made in my physical well being. I should mention now that I am not so much gluten free, as wheat free. That was my allergy, and eliminating all gluten can be tedious, so I decided to stick to wheat only. And peanuts. And melon. And oats. And blue cheese. And all the other foods that I am allergic to, and never liked anyway. 3) I kicked up the acupuncture to 2x a week. That should help stimulate my ovaries, and balance my body.
This IVF cycle has been rough on me, I am not going to lie. Last time, I felt great. I worked out up until the day before my embryo transfer, shots went well, etc. This time, I have been uncomfortable for a week, and cried almost every time I had a shot. Jon had to help give them to me and I bruised after almost every one. It looks like someone has been punching me in the ovaries, and it feels like that every time I go over a speed bump, or hit the curb in our driveway.
This morning I had my egg retrieval surgery. I am in a lot of pain, and had some trouble coming out of anesthesia. Throwing up uses too many muscles near my ovaries, so that didn't help. But they took out 33 eggs. Yes, 33. I was a little egg factory, so it is no wonder I was uncomfortable. We won't know until tomorrow how many were fertilized because they go through a process of cleaning the eggs before they introduce them to the sperm. Did you know that a mature human egg is about the same size a typed period (.)? One day at a time, and the hard part is over.
I mentioned earlier this year, when I turned 33, that I felt really great about this year, felt lucky. Thirty-three is my favorite number. Should I find it a coincidence that today I had 33 eggs removed? I think it is a sign. Keep your fingers crossed, I'll keep you updated through the blog.

Fabric, fabric, fabric

This last Saturday, I had an opportunity to meet Heather Bailey (which is weird to say because my sister-in-law is also named Heather Bailey), who is one of my favorite fabric designers. Her lines are very bright and hip, and her patterns are whimsical and fun. She lives here in Gilbert (her kids even go to one of our rival high schools), and I was sort of awestruck. I had to have my friend Amy along to keep me in check so I didn't appear like a stalker and stare too much. But she had some great samples of her work, and I bought a couple patterns. I ended up spending some time this weekend with the new patterns and making some Henrietta turtles and some Ollie elephants. It is as close as I get to a local celebrity and it was fun. I of course bought some more fabric, and am itching to start a new project. Because, you know, I have so much spare time.

Mary Poppins review

So, I saw Mary Poppins tonight at Gammage. I can't even tell you how excited I was for this. Mary Poppins is one of my all time most favorite movies, and I especially love the soundtrack. My mom had it on a record and I listened to it over and over as a kid. We had the movie on VHS, which was watched a lot, and if you know me at all, you know I watched it over and over and over and over and over. Eventually we recorded the soundtrack on to an audio tape (with Annie on the other side, another favorite) that I continued to listen to until it melted in my car when we moved to Arizona.
Mom, if you haven't seen it yet, you may want to skip my review. And if you aren't as familiar with the movie, you may not care, but I am so disturbed that I needed to get it down in writing. I'll start with the high points. The cast were amazingly like the characters in the movie. I thought Katie Nanna had been beamed through time and placed on stage. their voices were top notch when they did sing, and the dancing was very well coordinated. "Step in Time" was brilliant in the dance coordination, and they all had on tap shoes, which added to the effect. They had almost the entire cast in unison with the sweeps and everything. I was thrilled that it was done well. But the rest of it pretty much sucked. They kept some characters, but not their odd charm and personality. For instance, Mr. Banks talks to the Admiral in the street, but never did they address the fact that he sets off a cannon every day at noon and the whole house shakes and everyone has to scramble to keep the breakables from falling off teh walls. Scenes were out of order, and some just plain omitted. Bert's bipolar uncle was no where in the story, which also means that one of my favorite songs was gone too - "I Love to Laugh." The scene in the park when Bert dances with penguins was creepily done with statues instead of penguins. The words to Supercalifragileisticksxpialidocious were changed, and the scene where they sang it was new. As a purest, I can't believe they changed the song that is most known and associated with the movie. I was appalled. I hate the song "Feed the Birds" and they did a reprise of it 3 times. Really? I find it hard to believe that of the 18 original songs from the movie that the stage writers could only find ways to include and adapt 6 of them. The movie is only 140 minutes long, you could easily have used the exact same script. They also took time to write new songs, and turn them into main focus pieces of the entire production. Mary Poppins was not "Practically Perfect" as she is in the movie, but came off as goofy and silly as opposed to composed and wise. Mrs Banks came off as pathetic and insecure, which was obviously planned and so leaving out "Sister Suffregette" only took away from her strength. "Let's Go Fly a Kite" was sang with Bert & Michael instead of Mr. Banks, which took away from the whole meaning behind the song.
Was I glad I went? Yes. Would I see it again? No. I guess I should have known better. I assumed that since Annie and Chicago were both well done on the stage and in the movies, I thought this would be the same. I have always wanted to see the Lion King, and I think the movie is ho-hum, so maybe I won't be disappointed. On a positive note, when I got home, I immediately downloaded the soundtrack from the 1964 Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke movie from iTunes onto my iPod. I am happy once again.

Gluetin Free

It has been 1 month since my cleanse, and my decision to be gluten free. I found out a few years ago that I had some mild food allergies. These allergies didn't seem to affect me much, so I ignored them. But after some experimentation, I realized what an impact it made on my life. So no more wheat, or peanuts (and other things that I never really liked anyway like melon, oats, and cheese mold). The great thing is that corn, potatoes, and rice are still on the list of foods I can eat, so I am not completely out of starch. I sometimes miss crackers, pizza, and cake, but have found good gluten free substitutes. It is easier than I thought it would be. But I would be lying if I said I didn't miss beer. There is supposedly a gluten free beer out there, but I have yet to try it. I am amazed at how much better I feel. I can think more clearly, have lost 7 pounds (the goal is 15), am not as tired, and have a great energy level. I really hope my body can concentrate on sustaining a pregnancy as opposed to fighting allergies all the time. I think there is a direct link, and hope this helps.
I also am appreciating my new energy level because of my schedule. I practically need to schedule time to pee I am so busy. But I am really enjoying my 2 classes, even though they go pretty late at night, and have had a successful semester so far with my new kids. I don't have things down pat yet, but am not scrambling at the last minute as much to put together a lesson. I had a wonderful birthday weekend in Las Vegas with my parents. We had great food, and I saw Bette Midler, and Love. It was awesome. I love that town.
I am exhausted, but love the feeling of learning, and living. They say everyone should eat vegetarian 2 days a week. I feel the same about gluten for those that aren't allergic to wheat. Give it a whirl!

First Day Jitters

I decided this weekend that I wasn't busy enough and signed up for 2 classes at the local community colleges. I am terrified for tomorrow. I can't for the life of me figure out what has me so worked up. College was horrendous the first time around. I hated it. I did what I had to do, dropped out often, and forced myself to finish in 6 very long years. Hooray for me. I am now a much wiser woman with a career that I love, going to get some extra knowledge for both work and play. Why the stress? I think it all has to do with time management. Can I get it all done? You should see my schedule. If I want to do everything I want to, I will have to pencil in time to pee for the next 5 months. Maybe I am crazy. But I always work better with a schedule, and I have slotted my Monday-Friday out rather well, in my opinion, and saving the weekend for whatever the week may bring. Probably a lot of sleep since class is on Tuesday and Thursday nights, downtown, until 10 pm. I don't know when I will have time to snuggle with Jon or the cat. But I will be learning, which is one of my favorite things to do. And I will be able to take some of those things and apply them to work. It will inspire me professionally, and personally. I keep thinking about that Etsy shop...... I took quite a few classes this summer, and not only really enjoyed them, but also felt I had a better grasp on work with the knowledge I gained. It has helped me feel more solid about this school year, and I feel like my routine has improved, and I am utilizing my resources more efficiently. I am excited to see what classes will be offered this summer as well. I don't need an Associates degree, but if that is what happens with a class here and a class there, so be it. I may get a couple certificates in the process for the resume. Just in case I need it. If I had more spare time, I would take more classes. I just wish I didn't feel like I was going to throw up.
What am I taking, you ask? A basic Fashion Design class, and Pattern Design I so I can maybe make my own dresses. I really wanted to take Fashion Illustration and Sewing with Knits, but couldn't get in. Too late. But I will keep my eye out for this summer, as well as Pattern Design II and various other enticing credits!

Ahhh.... Sweet vino

Yup, that is right. I have a large glass of red wine in my hand. On this brisk chilly winter day, nothing warms you up like a nice glass full of tannins. WHat?! You can't drink when you are pregnant. Exactly.
I had a blood test this morning, and my numbers dropped to 216, which is a lot in just a couple days. This is good, it means the pregnancy hormones should leave my body quickly. We will get back on track after I have 2 negative pregnancy tests one week apart apiece, and a "natural" period. (Which I don't typically have so we will see how that plays out).
In the meantime, I can get serious about losing those 10 pounds I wanted to lose before I got pregnant. And I am due for another laser hair removal treatment, which also can't happen if I am knocked up. My list of things to do is quickly filling up before the next round. Nothing but time on my hands.
I am quite relieved that the situation is ending this way. I would much rather a miscarriage happen naturally, and organically than have to terminate another pregnancy with months of chemicals (I do enough of that trying to get pregnant). To me, this is the way to go. I will be all the wiser to more potential road blocks in the next round. I also think there was also another great lesson that may have finally sunk in (after years of receiving this lesson), and that is how to keep my mouth shut. I will let you all know in the future once I have had an ultrasound and have a solid confirmation that things look positive. I realize that until a baby is born, and healthy, there is no right time, or safe time to announce anything. But in the future, I may wait until at least 8 weeks to say anything. It won't be anything personal. I just get tired of repeating myself.
So there you go. I gotta run, my glass is empty! :)

More baby blues

Sorry, this is a long one. Bear with me.
So I might as well just say it. I am pregnant. And like the times before, there always seems to be some sort of complication that makes this difficult. When we started this round, it seemed so smooth. I was only going to have to take 1 day off because all of the appointments fell on days I already had off. I didn’t have to ingest many medications, and we had frozen embryos just waiting for us. I started on the pill, and 3 weeks later, stopped. My period didn’t start, and my transfer date almost had to be re-scheduled. But after blood work and an ultrasound, all indicated that I had not ovulated (which was the main concern) so they decided to go ahead.
The day off of my transfer was pretty low key. Jon took me out to breakfast, and I laid down like I was supposed to. Then goes the waiting game.
My first blood test was the day before Thanksgiving. The test came back positive, but the hormone levels that they count in the blood stream were really, really, low (a count of 5 is positive, they like to see somewhere around 100. I was a 6). I had a major meltdown that night an negativity finally hit me. I finally began to wonder if this was ever going to happen. I was not looking forward to being social at Thanksgiving, and i wanted to stay in my black hole and feel bad for myself. I deserved it. Forty Eight hours later I had another test. While still low (11), the numbers had doubled, which is what they were looking for. I told myself not to get excited, wait until the ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. The following Saturday I had another blood test to check that my levels were rising. The nurse called that afternoon with the count - 629. I was officially preggos, and my ultrasound was scheduled for Tuesday. I got excited. This is where I may have gone wrong. I called to tell the family, and basically, felt it could be public knowledge. The question remained, “How many are in there?”
Monday afternoon, during my lunch break from jury duty, the doctor called to discuss the ultrasound that would have to be rescheduled because of my jury duty. But that wasn’t all she called about. She said the doctor was concerned with my jump in numbers and was afraid it could be another ectopic pregnancy. She wanted me to see the fetal radiologist in the morning instead of going in to see them. Crap. Not again. What are the chances? It isn’t so much losing a pregnancy, it is the threat of 3 more months of chemo that freaks me out.
I made the call to Jon, and could hear the disappointment in his voice. We talked a little, I kept my cool. No need to completely freak out yet. And then I called my mom, and was hysterical. Then I had to tell the judge, on record, in front of both councils what was happening and let them know that I may not be there tomorrow. Crying, like an idiot. The judge told me to come sit in the witness chair, there were Kleenex there. Weird perspective.
Anyway, all I could think of was how to patent some sort of super glue for the uterus. I dashed off after court to a holiday party for the Knitting Guild and was trying to enjoy myself (under normal circumstances, I would say it was quite the shin dig, but you can understand that in my distracted state, I will probably not look back fondly). I ran to the bathroom to discover that I was lightly bleeding. I grabbed my stuff in a frantic flurry and rushed out the door before the party was over. Damn.
Restless sleep ensued with dreams of miscarriage. My cat slept beside me all night, aware of some sort of distress. He has been stuck to me like glue since the embryo transfer. I should clue in more to his intuition.
The fetal radiologist was a cool experience last time, regardless of the outcome. Jon drove separately so that if nothing was wrong, I could jet off downtown to court. It wasn’t nearly as neat this time. Gray blobs with no conclusive information. Basically, she said that it was too early to see anything and that there were no signs of an ectopic gestational sac, but she couldn’t find one in the uterus either, so we would have to wait. They suggested that we get another blood test to see if my numbers were still rising, and if so then to come back in a week when they could see more. If the numbers are dropping, then I am miscarrying.
Tomorrow morning I will go in for a blood test and should have results tomorrow afternoon. I will re-post tomorrow when I find out more. This is the easiest way to let everyone know what is going on.