Goal Setting

When I graduated from high school, I had some distorted views on the world, and life. I thought I could control everything that happened to me. I thought I would finish college in 4 years, be engaged my last semester, get married a year later, and have my first kid at 25 (not pregnant at 25, birth during my 25th year). Career? Never thought about it. Didn't care. Was I serious? Totally. Is this what caused me to almost have a breakdown at 21 when I realized that it would take me 2 extra years to graduate from university with no marriage prospects? Absolutely.
Looking back now, I realize this: I was never taught how to set goals. And part of that was because I didn't really believe in them. But I think in my wise old age (yes, I just celebrated a half birthday), I have finally discovered the purpose, and strategy behind them. I used to feel like if I made a goal, I was obligated to fulfill it, and stay focused on it even if it was no longer the best thing for me. Goals were about commitment, will power, and determination, right? And I was determined to keep every goal even if it killed me. That turned into too much pressure to deal with (God forbid I face life and decisions) and I would plummet in and out of depression. No one ever explained that goals change or may disappear completely if they are no longer relevant. I am already a little off my rocker. Can you imagine what would happen if I took myself to a whole new level of crazy?
So I have learned to start small, and enjoy the pleasure in attaining the small goals. For instance, floss my teeth every other day (my dentist would say every day, but considering I remember once a week, I think every other day sounds right. Plus, he doesn't read my blog). Take my vitamins every evening. Drink 10 glasses of water a day. Blog at least once a week. Get to the gym 4-5 days a week. When I am comfortable with one of these, its time to replace it. Of course I have long term goals, too. But now I know they may change. And I am going to try that super corny thing of writing it out and tape it to my bathroom mirror. Because I am just that kind of person. And for those of you thinking it, I will probably also repeat them to myself every morning. Who knows? If I speak out loud, I just may floss every day.

I quit!

One of my goals this year was learn when to say enough is enough. So far, I have sucked at an opportunity to say no. I am a glutton for punishment, and tend to overextend myself. So today I did it. And I feel good about it. I quit my job. WHAT? I can hear my mom's jaw hitting the floor. My knitting job. I went to see the owner this afternoon, and just told her that it seems silly to even pencil me in when she can't see me for at least a month, and I can only work one evening a week. Waste of paperwork. I am going to still do her class schedule, and will still practically live there, I am sure. She offered me the opportunity to buy supplies wholesale for my classes, which is awesome, and I still want to be involved in the summer. We were talking about a summer camp called Kids Can Knit, and open the store early for a drop off. One healthy snack, and lots of fiber arts projects later, and parents can pick-up their kids mid-morning. We are thinking maybe 2 week sessions. That is right up my alley, will keep me out of trouble in the summer, and will still give me a paycheck.
On another note: For the first time in 2 months, I was able to bend at the waist without grabbing my thighs for support, and reach for my toes. Funny, I was always taught to reach for the stars. But I need a pedicure something serious..........

Shark attack

I went to San Diego for 3 days with my friend Jess. It was fabulous! Unfortunately, the sign was brighter than we were the first day and we were pretty badly burned. The next 2 days were spent under umbrellas and towels. All of this was fine of course, because after seeing a shark in the water, neither of us were all that jazzed to jump back in. Yes, a shark. I have dove with sharks, and regardless of the species, they still scare the crap out of you. When I saw it casually swim between us and the shore I freaked. I calmly told Jess there was a shark and to go in. I have never seen someone swim so fast, after clinging to me saying "where? where?!" As we arrived on shore, she was kind to point out that all she had to do was swim faster than me. Thanks Jess. Turns out they were leapord sharks, about 2-4 feet in length, that swim in schools of 6-8 (we were probably surrounded) and you can reach down and pet them. Right. And some guy still died from being eaten by a Great White 2 weeks before , and only a few miles up the coast. So I think I'll take my chances and head inland.
My back is still a day by day adventure. It seems to be getting better the closer I get to starting work. Though I am not remotely close to ready as far as my paperwork and classroom stuff, I can't wait to start. Mentally I am already there. Starts tomorrow!

Exhile

I feel like I have completely isolated myself. Wait, that is because I have. After having to cancel my trip to California, I was feeling pretty down and out, and believe me, you wouldn't have wanted to spend time with me. But I made it to Colorado. The turbulence on the plane was so bad that even the flight attendants weren't allowed to get up. Then the girl next to me lost her cookies during landing. My back was hurting terribly the whole trip and my view often looked like this while I even rode in the car lying down:
But I still made it to the Wool Festival in Estes Park. Sarah was kind enough to chauffeur my butt up there, and and I bought some beautiful yarn from Brooks Farm, a Texas company. There was a lot of livestock at the festival from sheep, to alpaca, llamas, goats, and angora rabbits. It was interesting to see alpaca and llama with show haircuts. But I have to say, these two were my favorites. I wonder what they looked like before shearing.
Since then, I have been trying to take it easy. My back still hurts, but I started working out with Jon to strengthen and rebuild. Now my whole body hurts, so my back just blends in. I still can't touch my feet easily, so watching me try to put on tennis shoes is pretty sad. Also, forget the summer pedicure. At least I can drive again, and can now sit up the whole day.
I am trying to get lesson plans done now, since 4 weeks were wasted. They are all in my brain, but I have to type up a lot of worksheets and organize everything into a logical learning order. Orientations starts the 28th, so I don't have a lot of time. Oh, and I took on a second job, which consumes some time too. Wait, what? A second job?! Yeah. Where was this opportunity 4 months ago, I don't know. But there is an incredible new knitting store opening in Scottsdale, and the owner and I really hit it off. She wanted me to be the store manager and she wants to expand, meaning I could have my own store in a year. Sadly, but honestly, I turned her down. I decided that I owe it to myself to teach because, well, I do. So I am going to work for her part time. Right now I am trying to come up with a class schedule for her first quarter, and will probably teach a few myself. Then I will work 2 days a week, after class, or on the weekend. It will give me a chance to see how business is going, and to see if I like teaching. Then I can make some bigger decisions in a year. I have had dreams of owning a yarn store. But I really think I found my calling in teaching. So I get to be part of both. which is really exciting. All of these things have made me busy, busy, busy. I am ready to get organized enough that I can live normal again, and socialize. I can't stand being trapped in this house all day.

Cheers to Amy

I have spent the last few days pretty upset that I didn't get to go to Amy's wedding. She is my only girl cousin for goodness sake. And I don't get to see the family very often. From what I have been told, I missed a great time. Especially the Connect Four at the reception (there is a lot of opinion in the Zents family of who rules the Connect Four board. Any time the cousins get together, there is a little competition). I may not have been there physically, but I was there in heart and spirit. According to pictures, Amy got herself all gussied up, and looked beautiful. Sorry Amy. I miss you, and welcome Corin into the fam. Hope he realized what he was getting into.


Zents Family & Connect Four

Bike Processional

Vows

Aunt Cheryl playing the Harp

Grandad & my niece Alexandra

Laying around

I am tired of laying down. And not so happy that I had to cancel my trip to California for my cousin's wedding. But my back is a mess, and I am pretty much confined to bed, with the occasional trip to the couch. Yesterday was the worst, Jon had to help lift me to stand, and I had trouble walking. My acupuncturist recommended a chiropractor. So I went to see one. Now I don't know about all of you, but I was terrified. I have never understood why people don't like the dentist, but I think now, I may get it. When I walked into that office I had trouble breathing, I was so freaked out. All I could think was, one good twist of the neck and BAM! Paralyzed for life. Maybe bedridden isn't so bad. I can still knit, so things could be worse. But I knew I had to do something. So after a series of mobility tests and x-rays and what not, he did an adjustment on me. He was not a hand adjusting type of chiropractor. He had some new technology where a machine did it. There was a piece that looked like a pitchfork with balls on the end that ran down my spine and vibrated bones back into position. It actually felt kind of good. Then I was hooked up to a machine that sends electric pulses to my muscles to retrain them on where they should be not where they have been the last so many years. When we left, I could stand on my own. I actually felt much better. And I could breathe, which certainly helps. So I go back today, and Monday, and hopefully don't also have to cancel my trip to Colorado next week. I am still taking Percocet and Valarian Root, just not as often, and probably won't after today's treatment. But getting back into a daily routine will be tough. I took a shower this morning and was exhausted, needed to lie back down. Thanks goodness for Jon. He has cooked for me, did a little cleaning, and 3 loads of laundry. And cracked plenty of jokes about his 80 year old bride.

Acupucture

Last Friday I went to my first acupuncture treatment. I am really excited about the idea of naturally aligning my body. I started some Chinese herbs that taste like dirt, but I happily suck it down 3 times a day anyway. She asked me if I wanted to see the needles, or if it would freak me out. Are you kidding? I have given myself shots before, those microscopic things don't bother me. But people are a little crazy if they tell you that you can't feel it, because you can. The crazy part, within 2 hours I felt extreme back pain. I had to cancel my weekend plans because I could barely move. I can stand, and lay down, but sitting is really uncomfortable. Even when eating, I have to get up and stand half way through. I have been laid up on the couch taking pain meds and muscle relaxers for days. I am calm, and creative, but not very productive. Thank goodness I don't have to worry about work. I meet with her again this Wednesday, and I am hoping she can fix me. I have my cousin's wedding in California this weekend, and if I can't go I will be really bummed.

I did manage to go to my knitting guild meeting last night where I presented our new website (someone drove me, I can't exactly operate heavy machinery right now). Jon donated it to the guild. It was a big hit, and I am really excited about it. It was my last meeting as VP, and can now officially call myself President. The next year is going to bring such exciting things. The women in the guild have been a wonderful support to me in the past year, and I can't wait to return the favor during my term. My big focus is going to be increasing membership. The website should give us good exposure. In addition, we need to print rack cards for all the yarn stores in the valley, and business cards for all of the members. I love knitting, and can't stop. I have to do a little everyday, or I can't sleep at night. I know, a little OCD, what's new. But it is nice to have something to focus on and be passionate about. I love that I will get to teach it to youngsters next year, and corrupt a few more kids into fiber addiction. They won't know what hit them!